CONFESSIONS OF A THERAPIST: BY TANYA DRANSFIELD DHP MNCP (Snr. Accred)
It wasn’t until I realised that ‘money’ was an emotional journey that I actually began to understand the bit about ‘having enough money’.
As a working therapist for the past 11 years, I smiled to myself, as I suddenly realised that the emotional journey was the same one I had taken, and invited my clients to take...and that was one of self empowerment.
In order to feel empowered, we have to realise we have some form of resistance, accept it, then let it go. We can’t let go of something we haven’t found yet. If we didn’t have resistance, we would be living the life that we truly wanted. On my personal journey to money freedom, I smacked into my resistance. My beliefs at that time, around money, were not at all healthy.To question why, I went on a retrospective trip back in time to my childhood and what I had learned there about money.
Often our beliefs, the ones that we don’t even question, have come from someone else. As Dr Bruce Lipton, cellular Biologist and author of The Biology of Belief, explains “We are listening to someone else’s tapes.” What he means by that is; our beliefs have been created, unconsciously, at a time when we were too young to understand whether it was good advice or not and now we live them as our truth. Beliefs shape our experiences without doubt. They are the architect of the life we live. So, then I asked myself “OK, I believe in money! I make good money! So why do I still have too much month at the end of my money?”
I learned that for whatever reason a person is stuck, it is exactly the same process that we have to go through. Whether it is relief from depression, panic attacks or attaining financial freedom, we have to learn what is in the way of our goal.
We all have the same tools to create our lives. Some do amazing jobs at living their dreams, some do passable jobs...and others aren’t even getting close. What makes us successful or not? Our beliefs. Beliefs are powerful programmes in our subconscious mind that keep on running until we teach them a different way of working. Sounds easy, right? Well, that is up to you...you see, even change is a belief. If you tell yourself it is hard to change, then frankly, you are right. Henry Ford said it best ‘If you think you can, or you think you can’t – you are right.”
I realised that my belief around money was that ‘other people have the money’ and you know what? I was right! Because the money I earned always ended up in someone else’s pocket. My mind programme, my belief, was doing its job perfectly! Oddly enough, it was the only time I didn’t feel too great at being right!
I STARTED TO QUESTION PEOPLE ABOUT THEIR MONEY BELIEFS
I started to question people about their beliefs around money.
The answer I found was astounding, because they all said the same thing, in one way or another.
“I deserve it” That is what they said...
Whether we are successful business women who want better investment opportunities or whether we are struggling to pay the bills at the end of the month, the process comes from what we believe about ourselves.
We can call it self esteem, we can call it a mind-set, an outlook, confidence, luck - we can call ‘it’ whatever we like, but if we don’t believe we are going to be successful...then we will be right. If we have learned, or believe, that money is easy to acquire, we will find it easy to reach our financial goals. If we have learned or believe, that it isn’t, we will sabotage our best efforts in order to keep in line with our subconscious programming, without us being consciously aware.
Finding out what you believe about money is simple. Ask yourself what you really think about yourself. The way we do ANYTHING, is the way we do EVERYTHING. How we truly and honestly ‘feel’ about ourselves will decide the degree of success we attain. Success can be anything; financial, relationships, material possessions...anything. If we don’t believe we are ‘deserving of success’ for whatever reason, our subconscious mind will control the outcome to be in exact alignment with the belief.
Even if, through sheer hard work, we manage to break through our financial glass ceiling, if we have the same negative belief, good old self sabotage will come into play. And that is where we have to be fully responsible for the choice we have made that has got us to the place we don’t want to be. If we are going to blame others for our misfortune, then we can’t do anything about it. The power is with them. So, be thankful when you figure out that it is your responsibility because then you have the power to change it.
HOW TO CHANGE YOUR BELIEFS AROUND MONEY
What is a belief, really? Interestingly through my research, I came across an interpretation of an ancient model called the Chakra System by a scientist called Gregg Braden. We have seven chakras that run from the top of our heads down to the root chakra at our groin. The interesting part was the heart chakra is exactly in the middle of this model. The top three are related to our thinking; the bottom three are related to our emotions. The heart generates powerful electromagnetic energy based on the union between the mind/thinking and our emotions as love or fear. This energy is, according to quantum physics, the stuff that resonates with the molecular world we all live within.
Our beliefs around money, coupled with our emotions will give us a feeling about it that creates the exact reality of what we feel and believe. What we believe is what we will end up living. Fortunately, we are not victims of our beliefs and they can be changed, but first we have to find where the resistance is. You see, all the positive thinking in the world won’t make much permanent change. Telling yourself ‘There are no weeds in my garden’ will just frustrate you! We have to create better habits.
There are 3 steps to change:
1. Identifying what your resistance is.
2. Accepting it with self responsibility.
3. Letting it go and moving past it.
The three steps above are all related to your feelings, not your thinking. You can know what it is that holds you back and you can think it until you are blue in the face, but has it changed the feeling? Has it stopped the belief from triggering? Has it stopped impacting your life permanently?
I should incorporate a 4th step called ‘Don’t beat yourself up’ because the amount of times I have seen my clients smack their foreheads, aghast at their own lack of insight is heartbreaking.
Smart people make smart choices, by consulting experts in their field. Life is a journey. One in which we should not be in any rush to get to the end of. Learning is part of that journey. The most successful business people in the world have coaches, mentors, business advisors, financial advisors and the like. We are not meant to know everything.
Various therapy models, for years, have had us looking at thoughts and behaviour in order to create our better quality feelings. Now, what if I was to say to you that perhaps there is an easier way?
You see, absolutely everything in our lives and what we experience has a resultant feeling. We want more money perhaps because it will make us feel more secure, more worthy, more independent. We might want a new car because it will make us feel good. We obtain objects or seek out experiences because we want to feel good. Why don’t we just go straight to feeling what we want to feel? In order to improve the quality of our lives, we have to ‘feel’ our way to success. Some call it getting in the zone, having the vibe...whatever it is called, the process is one of ‘feelings’.
According to Quantum Physics, the process of creating our lives is a very scientific one, but it doesn’t come through thoughts alone. It is the marriage of beliefs and feelings that create our reality and then our thinking is the glue that holds the reality in place. We then experience that reality through our senses.
Ok, I can already hear you shouting at your computer screen “But Tanya! How can I feel something I have never experienced?” You can and you do! Most of us ‘hallucinate’ our lives anyway! How many of us have lived through the pain of some experience that never actually happened? How many of us have had an argument in our heads, with our loved ones that never actually happened? And how many of us have daydreamed ourselves onto a warm tropical beach, sipping margaritas, feeling relaxed and blissful? Exactly! We may never have had the reality of any of the above, but we know how it would feel.
This is where our imagination comes into play...very powerfully. The beauty of the subconscious mind, despite it being like a super computer in terms of power, is that it doesn’t know the difference between reality and imagination. Have you ever imagined biting into a lemon and suddenly your salivating? It is the same powerful process at work. You are going on your first date and you feel butterflies? I think you may be getting the picture...
We can create ‘better quality feelings’ through imagining ‘better quality feelings’...and no, that was not a typo. We can imagine feelings just as we can imagine a blue balloon, the feel of an animal’s fur, or the smell of our favourite food or hear our favourite song inside our mind.
In order to create a better feeling of our financial self, we have to create a better feeling about ourselves, period. The trick is making the feeling a habit. A habit takes practice and some investment in your time.
Financial wellbeing creates a feeling and in turn will create a belief that will give you a thought about yourself, which in turn will give you a feeling. Once you have the money you desire, you can then go and seek the financial advice and learn the skill of investment.